March of Dimes
Bloggers Unite in the Fight for Premature Babies: And Why I Care
11/17/09
Today is a Bloggers Unite event highlighting the fight to end premature births and the organization working tirelessly to do so, The March of Dimes. Last year I walked in the March for Babies for the first time as an adult. I was honoring my daughter, stillborn on Frebruary 27th, at 35 weeks.
Even as I write this now, nearly nine months later I have such difficulty holding back my emotions. I never understood the immense love a parent can feel until I had Olivia. She was perfect in every way when she was born. I keep her ashes with me at home; such a tiny representation of her short life. They bring me comfort. All of the cards we received surround her like an altar. I can't seem to take them down. Someday, I will be strong enough to do so.
Her death was discovered during a routine sonogram. I had been to the docters office less than a week before and had heard a strong heartbeat. The news was the last thing I expected. In fact, it wasn't until after I gave birth that I truely believed the doctors. Up unitl then, I keep feeling that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up and Olivia and I would be fine.
A child is considered still born after a gestation of 20 weeks. Prior to 20 weeks the death, is considered a miscarraige. There is no true number of recorded stillbirths because the children are not given birth certificates in most states. Unfortunately, this also means that research dollars are hard to aquire for this cause. Stillbirths occur in about 1 in every 115 births. In over half of the stillbirths, the reason is never clear.
When a child is born still, parent's grieve not only for the loss of their child but also for the loss of their future. All the hopes and dreams they had for their child vanish in a instant. I am 42 years old. I have had a long struggle with infertility. Olivia was my miracle child. I do not know if I will get another opportunity to concieve my own child. I work hard every day not to get lost in my lack of understanding, in the reocurring thoughts of unfarirness, or in jealousy of all those who have successful births. I work hard at being hopeful. All I have ever wanted was a family of my own. My husband and I plan to adopt when I am ready.
Olivia is my spiritual guide now. I talk to her everyday. I work hard to make her proud. When I am out running and I don't think I can make that last mile, I ask her to run with me. I know her sole is in a good place and full of love. Someday, I will be able to join her and learn what a fabulous spirit she has grown to be.
For more information go to the March of Dimes or stillnomore.org.
Living a life of personal balance, moderation, education, and connection.
Even as I write this now, nearly nine months later I have such difficulty holding back my emotions. I never understood the immense love a parent can feel until I had Olivia. She was perfect in every way when she was born. I keep her ashes with me at home; such a tiny representation of her short life. They bring me comfort. All of the cards we received surround her like an altar. I can't seem to take them down. Someday, I will be strong enough to do so.
Her death was discovered during a routine sonogram. I had been to the docters office less than a week before and had heard a strong heartbeat. The news was the last thing I expected. In fact, it wasn't until after I gave birth that I truely believed the doctors. Up unitl then, I keep feeling that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up and Olivia and I would be fine.
A child is considered still born after a gestation of 20 weeks. Prior to 20 weeks the death, is considered a miscarraige. There is no true number of recorded stillbirths because the children are not given birth certificates in most states. Unfortunately, this also means that research dollars are hard to aquire for this cause. Stillbirths occur in about 1 in every 115 births. In over half of the stillbirths, the reason is never clear.
When a child is born still, parent's grieve not only for the loss of their child but also for the loss of their future. All the hopes and dreams they had for their child vanish in a instant. I am 42 years old. I have had a long struggle with infertility. Olivia was my miracle child. I do not know if I will get another opportunity to concieve my own child. I work hard every day not to get lost in my lack of understanding, in the reocurring thoughts of unfarirness, or in jealousy of all those who have successful births. I work hard at being hopeful. All I have ever wanted was a family of my own. My husband and I plan to adopt when I am ready.
Olivia is my spiritual guide now. I talk to her everyday. I work hard to make her proud. When I am out running and I don't think I can make that last mile, I ask her to run with me. I know her sole is in a good place and full of love. Someday, I will be able to join her and learn what a fabulous spirit she has grown to be.
For more information go to the March of Dimes or stillnomore.org.
Living a life of personal balance, moderation, education, and connection.
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